My family and I spend our Christmas together in the little abode - The Internet shop. We didn't go anywhere. My husband decided to close the shop on Christmas day. So, we will have time for each other and do the things as a family.

Guess, I miss being in a real house where there are no computers around. I just imagine and feel contented going around cleaning and washing clothes as a wife does for the family. While my husband was cleaning the parts of the personal computer in each cubicle. My son was busy on the computer watching animated series for kids.

The only thing I can't do is cooking for Christmas. We do not have a kitchen. But, there's a hospital kitchen nearby which is two doors away from the shop. If you are wondering, the Internet Shop is part of the hospital building. We are hesitant to use it. So, we decided to buy cooked foods from a restaurant. We bought food that's enough for us to eat.

Our food for the eve of Christmas was simple. It consists of a:

• medium-sized platter of Filipino-style (sweet) Spaghetti
• one whole Lechon Manok, it's a whole size of chicken cleaned, spiced and grilled on top of a charcoal ember. 
• A small platter of Pancit Bihon,   
• 2 Loaves of Bread
• 1 liter of Coca-cola

When my parents were both alive, they went into a real struggle within their married life. My father found someone else while working in an appliance store. It was sad and painful for her. I'm affected by it.

My brother was starting in college. He took Bachelor of Science in Marine Transportation in a private school. With all the stress surrounding her, my mom couldn't think straight for a moment. She was thinking of my brother's tuition fee and other expenses. And God is good. God gave her the wisdom to think or solved her financial situation. This is what she did!

Selling Blankets Made from Flour Bags
My mom went from one bakery store to another to buy unused flour bag. One bag costs is only $0.22 or one peso. To clean it, she shake off the remaining flour, soak it in the water for a while before washing. To remove the prints from the flour bag is risky. She uses gas, a liquid form bought from gasoline station. It is usually used for lighting a lamp. When the flour sack is clean, she starts to sew two flour sacks. Two flour sacks is equal to one blanket. A blanket made of flour bag is $2 or P100.

Help from Relatives
In my eyes, I am so astounded from the relatives on my mother and father's side. They help her in my brother's tuition fee and fare in going to school. My heart was full. I am overwhelmed to see them do it. Thanks to them. For my part, I did send her money for little brother's school.

Playing Bingo
Bingo is a fun activity for low-income Filipinos. You pay for a few cents, if you win, you'll get $20 or one thousand pesos depending on the amount you played. My mom tried her luck with playing bingo games. Since, I live far from her, a niece told me how lucky she is. She won not only a thousand but thousands. She used the money as a fund for my little brother's tuition fees and other expenses. She sent a tithe to a church for thanksgiving mass. I am thankful that my mom knows how to play and used it.

This is how my mom sent my little brother to school. It's nothing to be ashamed of because it's an approach to do good for the family.

I know it's late for the Halloween. But, I'd like to share these short stories that happened in my life almost 40 years ago. These happened in different stages of my life. This is my real, my Halloween tell-tale short stories. It's up to you if you believe it or not.

October is my birthday month. I am a certified Libra! 

Today, I watched a video from Brightside about a "9 Months of Pregnancy in 4 Minutes". The video shows the start of conceiving a child from the start to giving birth in 4 minutes.

While watching the video, all the memories and pain of losing my unborn child returned. I find myself weeping uncontrollably. I've been holding on for years, pretending that I'm okay even if it's not. Just to go on with life. The truth of what had really happened did not sink in, immediately. Until I saw and visualized it.

When you were born and mom brought you home, I had a long look at you. Out of curiosity, I wonder and asked myself, "A brother. I have a brother. You're my brother!". I tried to poke your side to which mama stop me from doing so. You were asleep then, I might woke you up. I just want to hear you cry. :)

When we're tween's, we are like cats and dogs that has a constant fight over petty things. I know you tried to reach out but I'm adamant to whatever joke or stories you share. I am easily offended. Perhaps, I can't get into your jokes because I am too serious.

As we get older, the fight goes on a clash of different principles and values that we believe in. We both made mistakes for the choices we made in our own personal life. I think it's best to accept it and move forward, just one step at a time.

Honestly, I am only here waiting for you, though. A bit worried because you're my one and only little bro. We have no parents, anymore. Now, I am thankful because we have communication, We share ideas and stories like never before.

Happy birthday! Stay strong! 

I was hopping on different Facebook pages, Then, I saw a dream catcher photo designed for the home. When I first saw it, I feel in love. All is sudden as warm tears were falling and racing down my cheeks. The painful truth has dawned on me. To realize that we have no house of our own.


I am emotional. I dream a house for my own family to live especially for my son. A warm home where I can be free to rearrange and decorate it. A home where I would wake up early to prepare and cook food for my family.

Ah, those dreams! Dream catcher, catches me! I only watch you from my computer but you hit me hard.

The website where I lay my eyes on is http://www.agaazra.com/shop.

It's my birthday! I did not plan to buy anything like food and such. My introvert attitude says, I'll pray with my heart and just be thankful for this day. But, my brother was persistent. He promised to come and bring a cake if I cook or buy pansit for him. But, what makes my birthday totally awesome:

Brother's arrival
As what he promised, he arrived with the cake complete with my age. But, I have to keep it as a secret. Please excuse my hair

Photo Credits : Pixabay

Two nights ago, around 10:00 pm to 11:00 p.m. in the evening. I saw a ghost. This is what happened.

Father and son went out to buy snacks. The only person I'm with is the hospital trustee in the internet shop. The shop is the adjacent building of the hospital. A nurse came in to inform the trustee about the new patient. Of course, they both went out to prepare the patient's room. I'm left alone but I'm not afraid because the lights are on.

Do you want Ellen to Make Your Dreams Come True? Sometimes dreams need a little Ellen touch! If there's something you've always wished for, whether it's tickets to see Adele, the chance to play an Ellen Show game, or even a tropical vacation, Ellen can make your wish come true. Tell us what your dream is here!!

• For Philhealth -  I am re-activating it now, voluntarily

• Approach a politician - No, I am not that sort of person who rides the jeepney because it's election time.

• Tala Hospital - This, is a good suggestion because PCSO office is within or near the hospital. But, you have to shell out money for new screen tests such as Pap smear, ultrasound and other laboratory tests. The location is too far from my family. If ever I had an operation, no one is available as my watcher for one night. Also, my thoughts are in my son.

Why am I doing this?
As of now, the total cash is very far from the amount I need for hospital bills and laboratory tests. The amount I need is Php 25,000.00. The total cash from loan and savings is Php 7,000.00 only.

I went to an ob-gyne for check-up. Guess, I had disclose it in my previous post about the cream she gave me for the itch. Now, for my prolonged period problem. She tried to insert her two fingers in my V-part and placed her hand on my tummy and push it down softly. But, I was nervous because I can feel a little bit of pain. My ob-gyne suggest an ultrasound. It was Transvaginal ultrasound.
Transvaginal ultrasound is like a pelvic examination that checks all our female reproductive organs. It is use to check our cervix, uterus and ovaries.

As what my ob suggested, I scheduled myself for the ultrasound last Saturday. I was a bit nervous because the sonographer is a man and at the same time a doctor.  When it was my time to lay in bed, he asked me what was the problem. I told him everything. I remind him that I am bleeding. My ob does not know about it because I was not bleeding at that time, yet. It was next day after the check up. This "next day" was a walk to a small bazaar (in Filipino term, it is "tiangge").

After the insertion, the sonographer told me to ask my ob-gyne for a pap smear. A pap smear can tell if it's a cervical cyst or polyps. Either is the cause of my bleeding.

January, I feel so excited to wrote a draft for my goals this year 2016 and the other long overdue product review. It was part of my goal to finish it all. For this year, I decided to be a good mother and housewife. That means, more time on being a mother and wife responsibilities than on the computer. I was ecstatic and excited. But, then along the way, I feel into sadness.


Worried About The Unpredictable Illness

I feel ill. It started second week of October 2016. I feel the itch in my V-shape area (outer lips) that made me scratched from time to time. I would stop and leave the computer to do the scratch. It makes me groan from itchiness that I feel tired. When, I wash it, it's painful from my scratch. It was gone in December after I tried to cure it myself, with a pharmacists recommendation.


Now, February, the itchiness came back after my menstruation. It's so itchy that I can no longer stop it from any cream that I used. I sought and went to an Ob-Gyne for help. She gave me a Dipro cream. I'm on my 3rd day of treatment.


Prolonged Menstruation


Last year, it was March, my son's birthday. I thought my menstruation stop because it's the 5th day. What happens next was unpredictable. I wasn't able to enjoy the moment because I am left sitting on one corner. I can not walk fast, run and play with my son because my hips is painful. The pain made me walked like a duck. Menstruation is fast that I have to double my napkins.


January, my menstruation is more than two weeks. It can raise an eyebrow. Then, it stop last February 1 and 2. February was the day I went to see an ob-gyne. My recent bleeding was not part of the check-up, hence, I am not bleeding at that time. Next day, which is Wednesday was the shocking day of my life. I saw blood in my underwear. After walking from the "tiangge", (Filipino word that means small bazaars). Also, I feel the pain on my right abdomen. That day, I feel so exhausted that I sleep all day. No house chores.


Anxiety and Financial Worries

I feel alarm and worried with what I am going through, right now. What is it that causes the pain inside me? My mother died from a cervical cancer that is why I fear of any negative result. Also, when it comes to financial, to whom will I ask for help? I have no parents, anymore. I have one brother but he has a problem of his own. It worries me so much.


Depression Comes Laziness

With all these worries and anxiety, I feel depressed. Sadness is creeping on my bones that I tried to get away with it. I feel lazy to do anything. I just sat in my bed and play in my iPad, then sleep, though. Being a mother, has pushed me to get up even if I am in pain and tried to move around even if it's slow. My son came in to play in bed. I feel irritated, it causes me headache when he jumps in bed.


Is it too late to change? I was ecstatic back then, but sadness looms around it!

I found this Q & A on my Facebook newsfeeds. With  no second thoughts, I've tried it and this is the result:

Yesterday, I saw this on my Facebook newsfeeds. Oh yeah! That is what I feel. I am currently suffering from NDTDA or No desire to do anything syndrome. A bad reality for me because my mind and body was exhausted. Here is the reason why: 

Sad