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Medical and personal issues aroused due to infidelity made me depressed, aggrieved, stressors, anxious and more. I can hardly handle these issues thats' why I need a breather.
Do you know that I think of suicide and guns? When my father was alive, he tried to grab the gun from me. The people who are close to me by blood know about it. At least, there's none available. Neither knew of my traumatic experience. I admit that:
I am immature when it comes to problems that I can't handle.
I am immature when I do not know how to fix it.
I am immature when the troubles in my heart pierce my heart.
I fought when I saw its' worth.
I fought when I thought it was worth it.
Writing this made me cry, though. I have to unload the burden I am carrying on my shoulders and the pain in my heart. So, I have to stop once in a while and drink some water. Don't you think a bottle of wine or two would be better instead of water? Who knows about flavored beer from San Miguel? Thinking about it makes my mouth water.
Life and pain are like the song in Filipino titled Tubig at Langis. It means the water and oil cannot merge. Below is a verse from the melody.
Langis at tubig 'di mapagsama ng tunay mang pag-ibig
Hinanakit ang s'yang laging mananaig
Mahal na mahal man kita
May mahal ka namang iba
What does it mean? It means that oil and water cannot unite from true love. Resentment always prevails. I loved you, but you loved someone else. It is an agonizing song of love, but that is how I see it. That is how I see it, after all these years! Your efforts and hardships together went down the drain. It is pointless to talk to him who falls in love with someone else or is cheating. Whatever you say will pass on deaf ears.
Three Words of AdviceAcceptance, Self-Care, and Work for Financial Freedom
Accept what had happened! Do something that you love. Make yourself beautiful. As an advertisement line says, nurture your child. This time nurture your child and yourself for work and financial freedom in God's time.
Honestly? Moving forward with your life is not an easy thing to do. The pain of what he had done is still in your heart. Both feet are heavy to walk on. But having faith and prayers in Him is what I can do before anything else. Don't give up unto the Lord. Keep on praying. Besides, I have my son to move forward. I keep on pushing myself forward.
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