Today, I watched a video from Brightside about a "9 Months of Pregnancy in 4 Minutes". The video shows the start of conceiving a child from the start to giving birth in 4 minutes.

While watching the video, all the memories and pain of losing my unborn child returned. I find myself weeping uncontrollably. I've been holding on for years, pretending that I'm okay even if it's not. Just to go on with life. The truth of what had really happened did not sink in, immediately. Until I saw and visualized it.

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When you were born and mom brought you home, I had a long look at you. Out of curiosity, I wonder and asked myself, "A brother. I have a brother. You're my brother!". I tried to poke your side to which mama stop me from doing so. You were asleep then, I might woke you up. I just want to hear you cry. :)

When we're tween's, we are like cats and dogs that has a constant fight over petty things. I know you tried to reach out but I'm adamant to whatever joke or stories you share. I am easily offended. Perhaps, I can't get into your jokes because I am too serious.

As we get older, the fight goes on a clash of different principles and values that we believe in. We both made mistakes for the choices we made in our own personal life. I think it's best to accept it and move forward, just one step at a time.

Honestly, I am only here waiting for you, though. A bit worried because you're my one and only little bro. We have no parents, anymore. Now, I am thankful because we have communication, We share ideas and stories like never before.

Happy birthday! Stay strong!