Tattooing a part of my body is not my thing. Although, my cousins and little brother have it, I do not have it. And then something happened in my life that had changed my mind. At that time, my heart is full of pain that I do not know what to do with it.

It so happened that a neighbor asked a Tattoo artist for home service. That's when I decide to have a tattoo. I choose a little broken heart on my right hand. It was like putting all the pain I felt in it.

Credits

Online games refer to computer games that use the Internet. It interconnects players from different places and meets through the virtual world of the game. Sometimes, you build a community from guilds and group of players.

Today, I watched a video from Brightside about a "9 Months of Pregnancy in 4 Minutes". The video shows the start of conceiving a child from the start to giving birth in 4 minutes.

While watching the video, all the memories and pain of losing my unborn child returned. I find myself weeping uncontrollably. I've been holding on for years, pretending that I'm okay even if it's not. Just to go on with life. The truth of what had really happened did not sink in, immediately. Until I saw and visualized it.

When you were born and mom brought you home, I had a long look at you. Out of curiosity, I wonder and asked myself, "A brother. I have a brother. You're my brother!". I tried to poke your side to which mama stop me from doing so. You were asleep then, I might woke you up. I just want to hear you cry. :)

When we're tween's, we are like cats and dogs that has a constant fight over petty things. I know you tried to reach out but I'm adamant to whatever joke or stories you share. I am easily offended. Perhaps, I can't get into your jokes because I am too serious.

As we get older, the fight goes on a clash of different principles and values that we believe in. We both made mistakes for the choices we made in our own personal life. I think it's best to accept it and move forward, just one step at a time.

Honestly, I am only here waiting for you, though. A bit worried because you're my one and only little bro. We have no parents, anymore. Now, I am thankful because we have communication, We share ideas and stories like never before.

Happy birthday! Stay strong! 

I was hopping on different Facebook pages, Then, I saw a dream catcher photo designed for the home. When I first saw it, I feel in love. All is sudden as warm tears were falling and racing down my cheeks. The painful truth has dawned on me. To realize that we have no house of our own.


I am emotional. I dream a house for my own family to live especially for my son. A warm home where I can be free to rearrange and decorate it. A home where I would wake up early to prepare and cook food for my family.

Ah, those dreams! Dream catcher, catches me! I only watch you from my computer but you hit me hard.

The website where I lay my eyes on is http://www.agaazra.com/shop.

Photo Credits : Pixabay

Two nights ago, around 10:00 pm to 11:00 p.m. in the evening. I saw a ghost. This is what happened.

Father and son went out to buy snacks. The only person I'm with is the hospital trustee in the internet shop. The shop is the adjacent building of the hospital. A nurse came in to inform the trustee about the new patient. Of course, they both went out to prepare the patient's room. I'm left alone but I'm not afraid because the lights are on.

Do you want Ellen to Make Your Dreams Come True? Sometimes dreams need a little Ellen touch! If there's something you've always wished for, whether it's tickets to see Adele, the chance to play an Ellen Show game, or even a tropical vacation, Ellen can make your wish come true. Tell us what your dream is here!!

• For Philhealth -  I am re-activating it now, voluntarily

• Approach a politician - No, I am not that sort of person who rides the jeepney because it's election time.

• Tala Hospital - This, is a good suggestion because PCSO office is within or near the hospital. But, you have to shell out money for new screen tests such as Pap smear, ultrasound and other laboratory tests. The location is too far from my family. If ever I had an operation, no one is available as my watcher for one night. Also, my thoughts are in my son.

Why am I doing this?
As of now, the total cash is very far from the amount I need for hospital bills and laboratory tests. The amount I need is Php 25,000.00. The total cash from loan and savings is Php 7,000.00 only.

January, I feel so excited to wrote a draft for my goals this year 2016 and the other long overdue product review. It was part of my goal to finish it all. For this year, I decided to be a good mother and housewife. That means, more time on being a mother and wife responsibilities than on the computer. I was ecstatic and excited. But, then along the way, I feel into sadness.


Worried About The Unpredictable Illness

I feel ill. It started second week of October 2016. I feel the itch in my V-shape area (outer lips) that made me scratched from time to time. I would stop and leave the computer to do the scratch. It makes me groan from itchiness that I feel tired. When, I wash it, it's painful from my scratch. It was gone in December after I tried to cure it myself, with a pharmacists recommendation.


Now, February, the itchiness came back after my menstruation. It's so itchy that I can no longer stop it from any cream that I used. I sought and went to an Ob-Gyne for help. She gave me a Dipro cream. I'm on my 3rd day of treatment.


Prolonged Menstruation


Last year, it was March, my son's birthday. I thought my menstruation stop because it's the 5th day. What happens next was unpredictable. I wasn't able to enjoy the moment because I am left sitting on one corner. I can not walk fast, run and play with my son because my hips is painful. The pain made me walked like a duck. Menstruation is fast that I have to double my napkins.


January, my menstruation is more than two weeks. It can raise an eyebrow. Then, it stop last February 1 and 2. February was the day I went to see an ob-gyne. My recent bleeding was not part of the check-up, hence, I am not bleeding at that time. Next day, which is Wednesday was the shocking day of my life. I saw blood in my underwear. After walking from the "tiangge", (Filipino word that means small bazaars). Also, I feel the pain on my right abdomen. That day, I feel so exhausted that I sleep all day. No house chores.


Anxiety and Financial Worries

I feel alarm and worried with what I am going through, right now. What is it that causes the pain inside me? My mother died from a cervical cancer that is why I fear of any negative result. Also, when it comes to financial, to whom will I ask for help? I have no parents, anymore. I have one brother but he has a problem of his own. It worries me so much.


Depression Comes Laziness

With all these worries and anxiety, I feel depressed. Sadness is creeping on my bones that I tried to get away with it. I feel lazy to do anything. I just sat in my bed and play in my iPad, then sleep, though. Being a mother, has pushed me to get up even if I am in pain and tried to move around even if it's slow. My son came in to play in bed. I feel irritated, it causes me headache when he jumps in bed.


Is it too late to change? I was ecstatic back then, but sadness looms around it!

I found this Q & A on my Facebook newsfeeds. With  no second thoughts, I've tried it and this is the result:

Sad

Yes, I experienced it - December, last year. What do you mean by "binat"? Binat is a filipino word coined for relapse. Usually, this is what our folks says especially, if you give birth. Here's an example from an online Tagalog English Dictionary  - "Huwang masyadong magpagod, baka ka mabinat!" Don't tire yourself, you might have a relapse.

I wish I know until when I have the time to rest after miscarriage. I can't wait to lay a hand on our dirty clothes piling high! And yes, I did, the laundry after a week of rest! Next day, I hang all the clothes outside because the weather is hot. After, I've done it, I sat down and my body feel extremely tired.  There is no headache or anything painful. It's only tiredness, I feel. My husband told me to take a rest because I might have a relapse. What I did was sleep the whole day. Then, woke up when it's time for a meal. I made a rest for three days. It's a lazy thing to do but I have to regain back my strength for my son.

How about you? Have you experienced relapse?

Now, if that happens, it's up to me as a parent on what's the best thing to do. All I know is I love him very much and will accept whoever he is.