January, I feel so excited to wrote a draft for my goals this year 2016 and the other long overdue product review. It was part of my goal to finish it all. For this year, I decided to be a good mother and housewife. That means, more time on being a mother and wife responsibilities than on the computer. I was ecstatic and excited. But, then along the way, I feel into sadness.
Worried About The Unpredictable Illness
I feel ill. It started second week of October 2016. I feel the itch in my V-shape area (outer lips) that made me scratched from time to time. I would stop and leave the computer to do the scratch. It makes me groan from itchiness that I feel tired. When, I wash it, it's painful from my scratch. It was gone in December after I tried to cure it myself, with a pharmacists recommendation.
Now, February, the itchiness came back after my menstruation. It's so itchy that I can no longer stop it from any cream that I used. I sought and went to an Ob-Gyne for help. She gave me a Dipro cream. I'm on my 3rd day of treatment.
Last year, it was March, my son's birthday. I thought my menstruation stop because it's the 5th day. What happens next was unpredictable. I wasn't able to enjoy the moment because I am left sitting on one corner. I can not walk fast, run and play with my son because my hips is painful. The pain made me walked like a duck. Menstruation is fast that I have to double my napkins.
January, my menstruation is more than two weeks. It can raise an eyebrow. Then, it stop last February 1 and 2. February was the day I went to see an ob-gyne. My recent bleeding was not part of the check-up, hence, I am not bleeding at that time. Next day, which is Wednesday was the shocking day of my life. I saw blood in my underwear. After walking from the "tiangge", (Filipino word that means small bazaars). Also, I feel the pain on my right abdomen. That day, I feel so exhausted that I sleep all day. No house chores.
Anxiety and Financial Worries
I feel alarm and worried with what I am going through, right now. What is it that causes the pain inside me? My mother died from a cervical cancer that is why I fear of any negative result. Also, when it comes to financial, to whom will I ask for help? I have no parents, anymore. I have one brother but he has a problem of his own. It worries me so much.
Depression Comes Laziness
With all these worries and anxiety, I feel depressed. Sadness is creeping on my bones that I tried to get away with it. I feel lazy to do anything. I just sat in my bed and play in my iPad, then sleep, though. Being a mother, has pushed me to get up even if I am in pain and tried to move around even if it's slow. My son came in to play in bed. I feel irritated, it causes me headache when he jumps in bed.
Is it too late to change? I was ecstatic back then, but sadness looms around it!