It is not only things to do online that I missed. I missed those who were used to let me see the whole world – My Parents! I’m getting misty-eyed. It really breaks my heart whenever I think about them.
In 2008, my mother has a long battle with cervical cancer until she has given up. I am not a perfect daughter to my mom. I had a lot of mistakes and wrongdoings. But, the time has come when she needed us the most, I almost break down! My mother still think about us – her two siblings to take care of. Her words still linger into my ears, “Gusto ko pang mabuhi! Gusto ko pang mo-atiman sa akong mga anak.” (I want to live! I want to take care of my children.”) I begun to understand her love for us. I admit, I misunderstood my mom in showing her love to us. She’s not the kind of mom who would tell us the three words we all love to hear but she showed it through her actions.
My father had a stroked that paralyzed half of his body. Then my brother had made a decision to bring papa to his house in Cavite. Papa had stayed with his siblings in Iligan. When he stayed in my brother's house, he was well-taken care of. I made a visit November 2013 with husband and son whom he saw for the first time. We can not stay for another day because of my husband's work. It is sad and hard to say goodbye especially when my father started to cry. After two months, I went back with my son and stayed there for more than a week. But, when I made a decision to go back home, something went wrong. My father can hardly stand up when I'm changing his diaper. We let him stand while holding on the stairway as an exercise. One day, my son and I were watching TV and papa sat on his makeshift bamboo bed when suddenly he fall flat faced on the floor. I cried and helped him up and sat him on the bed. But, he signaled that he want to sleep. I slowly lay him down on his bed. There was a blood from his nose. I am afraid that the fall made his nose broken or something. After three days, my brother tried to talk to him but his eyes were on the window as if he didn't hear him. My brother asked me if I still decide to go home because of our father's situation whom he think will live only for a few days. He told me to inform father's siblings and call a priest to bless him. In the morning of February 7 (2014), the priest came and blessed my father. The priest told us to prepare because he might go anytime. According to the priest, my father cannot talk, anymore but he can clearly hear us. By mid-afternoon of the same day, two siblings came, both had prayed while his sister cried. Between 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. when my father had draw his last breath. Father is gone! I didn't saw him for the last time but hear him. My son kept on calling me in the bathroom. There were good and bad things about him, though. I keep on remembering the good childhood memories with my father.
There are times when I think about them and reflect on my relationship with them. It moved me into tears and regret. The guilt speaks for itself but that's over now. I can not change it, anymore because they are both in heaven. Thank you! I missed you and I love you, both!