A Mother’s Cry and Her Bad Girl


You may wonder and asked why I kept on posting about mothers. It wasn't easy for me to forget everything that happened. Its one year and 3 months when mother was laid to her grave.

She knows she was going to die but she cannot accept those facts. She cried out and worried that we won’t be together as a family again once, she will leave us. How she painstakingly gave her heart and soul for her family.

Why would I not cry emotionally after she told me, “Lisa, I don’t want to die”! My heart was squeezed by mixed emotions! I want to help her but there is nothing I can do to alleviate her pain and desire to live! As the days go by, I feel like a robot, trying not to feel the emotions. Until…

I carry a huge guilt on my shoulders! Why? I tell you!

I am always out of the house and returned at 10 0’clock in the evening. What am I doing? I went to the City’s Public Market and Groceries Store. I bought food items for the house and mother’s medical needs. Then, I dropped by in an Internet Café with all the shopping goodies and all. Dropping by in an Internet Café eats most of the time. I played an online game there and download songs (unknown to the watcher). I was fascinated with the game that I forgot all my responsibilities, my emotions and most of all the time!

Now, this happened when mother was bed-ridden. I left her with my crippled father and an innocent and young housemaid. Crippled because my father had a stroked from previous years. He can walk but he can’t move his right hand. He’s fast and crazy of sending messages to girl friends. The housemaid was innocent and very young. She’s 14 years old.

I perhaps trusted enough because she can cook. Until such time, a   neighbor who came to visit our house told me that my mother is limp. She looks white! And that made me rush her to the hospital. I know I am irresponsible!

When my mother died, my neighbor told me that mother cried because she does not want to die! She does not want to die because she wants to take care of us her children. How many times did I mention these words in my previous? I am sorry if I go on like an old and broken phonograph record. My emotions and feelings of guilt are overwhelming when it comes to my mother.

My mother is fond of keeping old wallets and other staff. I saw inside the wallet/s are pictures of me and my youngest brother. It was too late to know and understand her way of professing her love for us as we grow older.
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